Six and seven months have passed since I lost my parents. Many of you know how it is. Just when I think I’m moving on, something happens that moves me back one step. In the last week, I heard of the passing of several friends and acquaintances of my parents (and mine) – dear people their ages. Finality. Reality. I don’t like it.
Grief to Beauty
“His glory covered the heavens and his praise filled the earth, His splendor was like the sunrise; rays flashed from his hand, where his power was hidden.” (Habakkuk 3:3b,4)
I hadn’t been to the grave in weeks, an unusual break of custom for me, but after months of faithful visits, tending and watering the summer blooms, often crying, and always reminiscing, a persistent grief had encompassed me, a grief I had been trying to shake by avoiding the tradition. So on this crisp autumn morning, I faced grief in order to bring beauty.
The little country cemetery was quiet. Sunshine flooded the diamonded dew.
As I stopped the car, close to the grave site, two old wild turkeys left low branches of a century-old maple at the edge of the cemetery and flew a short distance to the ground, their heavy bodies lighting not far from Mom and Dad’s grave.
I wondered how many times Mom and Dad had seen these very birds from the kitchen window of their yellow house – across the road from this cemetery – in their daily rituals of watching families of turkeys roam the countryside. I wondered if these two turkeys had followed Mom and Dad to their final resting place, perhaps waiting their own time to pass, as well. They fled when I lifted the latch gate, took the plant, and walked the few, somber steps to the stone.
Together Forever, I read.
“Mama, Daddy,” I cried, as I had so many times before.
As I grieved, I stepped behind the stone and discovered that since my last visit,the bronze plaque had been set in place, the honor bestowed Daddy by the Veterans Administration. I pulled out my cell phone and took a picture of it to send to my sister, but it wasn’t until after I later opened the electronic picture that I saw the rays of sun flooding over the tombstone and into my lens.
I considered the “splendor” of the morning and the sun rays that “flash from his hand.” I was reminded of his “power”– the power that lifted the very souls from Daddy and Mama’s aged bodies; the power that will one day lift those broken bodies out of that grave and transform them into perfect models of their once young, vibrant beings; the power that will bring us all together again; “His divine power” that “has given us everything . . . and has given us his very great and precious promises . . .” (1 Peter 1:4). . .
It’s My Party, and I’ll Cry If I Want To . . .
I had a party today. Sorry I didn’t invite you, but I was all caught up in myself. This kind of party is much more fun when I’m all alone.
It started this way: Surely God is good to me. . . but I’ve stumbled and lost my footing. All day long I’m plagued with trials; seems there’s a new problem every morning. If only I had said something different – if only I could explain – if only he truly loved me – if only she understood – if only things were different . . . if only . . . if only . . .
Wow! The party was really getting going at this point! (Maybe you should have been there!) And then when I tried to understand all that was going on, it suddenly seemed very oppressive to me. (You know how that oppression works!) By this time, the enemy was knocking loudly at my door. He really wanted to come to my party!
Like I said, I wanted to be alone at my party. But I did recognize that malevolent knock, so when I recognized it as the oppressor, I left the room where he was knocking, and I entered the sanctuary of God.
It’s a quiet place – so very comfortable – such a place of refuge!
God took hold of my right hand; He became my strength;
and I realized that I desired nothing more than to be with Him.
(It was good for me to be near God.)
He said,
“You can have great peace because you love my law, and nothing can make you stumble.”
And I said,
“I wait for your recovery, O Lord, and I follow your commands. I obey your statues, for I love them greatly. I obey your precepts and your statues, for all my ways are known to you.”
(That last part made me I realize that He had known about my party all along!)
Now that I look back on it, it really wasn’t much of a party at all until I entered His shelter. That’s when the true celebration started.
Next time I’ll try to have a different kind of party, and I will invite you!
(Please read about this party in Psalm 73 and Psalm 119:165-168)
Free yourself from the chains, O captive Daughter!
Grief in the midst of resurrection