A Welcomed Grace

Saturday, April 7, 2012
I awake early. It seems not a moment passes until I realize what today holds. The pain of the last days coats my face with huge wet drops and chokes my throat. Breathing is only possible if I stand. I cover my face with tissues and quietly move down the hall, peeking at my sleeping grandchildren, closing the doors of their bedrooms with the skill acquired from years of motherhood and now Nana-hood. Ron is making the coffee, while I step onto the back porch, a box of tissues in hand, striving to control my sobbing, distanced away from the sleeping ones. The sun shines through the trees and pierces my soul with the faithfulness of its Creator. 
 

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The Playoffs

I sit outside on bleachers in the wind and the snow at freezing temps. Not a typical evening for me, but I do it without reservation. Why? For Jacob! To “root” him on – so he will know Nana is there.

            Two minutes remain in the game. The Orioles are close to the end zone, a much needed touchdown

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My prayer was for all women assaulted by the enemies known as abuse and neglect

. . . we prayed and then drove to the court house. I was worried, “keyed up.” My soul was encased with weeks – months – years of prayer. The anxiety caused me to be somewhat “punch drunk.” I wanted to glorify God no matter the outcome of this sentencing.  Family and friends filled the courtroom. I felt blessed. Our daughter and son-in-law sat at the front of the courtroom, waiting to be called up before the judge. But we waited a length of time while others stood before him. Some offenders were being arraigned. Others were being sentenced. As we heard those sentences, my physical gut tightened and my mind became frightened. The judge was giving harsh sentences for seemingly minor offences. When these “criminals” went forward to be sentenced, their family members shuffled in and out of the courtroom. Sometimes one or two family members observed. Sometimes none. None of these people, these “criminals” or their family members, had the support our daughter and son-law and Ron and I had. We waited. And watched.

A young woman, crying, sat alone at the side of the courtroom.

I went over, sat beside her, and put my arm around her, hoping to console her. She told me about her sister who would be arraigned on this day.

Her short story was filled with hopelessness – a background of abuse and hate, a story of drugs, a child taken from her mother, no money for bail. I asked if I could pray for her and her sister. She allowed me to.

Although I prayed for her sister by name, my prayer was for all women invaded by the enemies of abuse and neglect, deceived by the demons of a myriad of drugs. My prayer was also for their crying and neglected children, entwined in the lost cycle of it all, people for whom I now had a greater empathy and a sincere concern. “Christ,” I said. “We fight under your banner. Lead us.”

Soon her sister, handcuffed and dressed in orange and white stripes,  stood before the judge. The arraignment was stated. The officer led her from the courtroom. The young woman with whom I had spoken smiled a thank you through her tears as she left the courtroom. I returned to my seat and waited our turn.

I thought of the first time, nine months ago, when I had entered this court house. I remembered seeing my daughter and her husband in shackles. I recalled the many court appearances speckled throughout the months between then and now, during which I had seen other women and men shuffling down the halls of the court house, in the faded striped coveralls, shackled hand and foot.

Some hung their heads in shame; some were frightened; some smirked. No matter their demeanor, my heart had ached for each one; my hate for the deceitful enemy who had caused it all was fueled on those days and refueled today.

But on this day, my awareness of the Father’s great love for all and the saving grace of Jesus Christ was foremost in my awareness. Now I looked at my daughter, her beauty and health returning to her once-addicted body, and at my son-in-law, now a true man in every sense of the word, and I thanked God. They sat together, knowing that most likely, they would be separated from this day forward, and separated from their children, as well, for a lengthy time. But they faced the consequences of their sins and crimes, thankful that God had saved them out of their depression and addiction, thankful that they had a bright future in Him.

The judge had stepped out after the young “sister’s” sentencing – then had reentered the courtroom. “All stand,” the court assistant instructed . . . Then called our son-in-law forward …

Continue reading in my book, When Life Roars, Jesus Whispers  Click here to order: https://kathiwaligora.com/blog/

I’ll send it out to you asap!

“Are you the one?”

They asked Jesus, “Are you the one . . . or should we expect someone else?”

Jesus replied, “Go back and report . . . what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.”

(Matthew 11:3,4)

~~  ~~  ~~  ~~

I ponder this scene in my mind. They come to Jesus to inquire, “Are you the one we’ve been expecting?”  You see, they knew the Messiah was coming. They had been awaiting the fulfillment of the prophecy for a very long time. But they just weren’t sure if this Jesus was the one.

Jesus responds, “go back and report . . . what you hear and see.”

 So I come to you now, in writing, to “report” some of the amazing things He has done for my family and for me, “the poor.”

~~  ~~  ~~  ~~

My husband, Ron, and I raised our children to know the love of God and His amazing grace. They knew what we wanted for them; they knew what God wanted for them; but, as adults, of course, their choices were their own.

Our youngest  daughter and her husband “tried” to follow what “we wanted” for them. They attended church for awhile, possibly trying to please us, maybe thinking it was the right thing to do, but they did not seem to have a relationship with God. Soon, they wandered far from us, from the church, and seemingly from their God.  But He was “their God” because, you see, God calls us. He ordained us before the world began, and He had ordained our Amber and her husband, Jesse.

Amber and Jesse went through years of turmoil. Lifestyle and life choices brought them heartache and sorrow. They were depressed. They lost their jobs. A house fire put them out of their home for 18 long months – with 3 children. When the home was finally restored, they lost it back to the bank. Then Jesse’s beautiful mother died, much too young. They were both very close to her, and the loss devastated them.

We observed their depression. 

But we didn’t know of their addiction.

Our hearts ached for them. We were angry. We were sorrowful. We were sad. We pled. We cried. We begged. We suffered in our own way. A terrible way. A way that only a mother, a father, or a grandparent can know. A way that eats at your soul and steals your sleep, while it agonizes your mind and your body. An enemy is present and he preys upon your family. We try to change things. We try to make things better. But we can’t.

We share the only thing we can share with them – the good news. The good news that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God.  That he died on the cross for them – in their place. That He rose again for them. That He loves them. That He has planned abundant life for them. That it is a free gift.

Then we pray. We cry and pray. We plead to God. We read in His Word that there is victory in Jesus. We read that He – our Lord God – is GREATER than the enemy. We read that the name of Jesus has power over the enemy. And we say that name aloud over and over and over and over and over and over . . .

And I place that powerful name in writing. I write letters to my daughter! God’s Word enters her home through those letters. God’s Word is placed in her hands through those letters. And God’s Word is in front of her eyes.

I claim that name – the name of Jesus – for my family! I rebuke the enemy. I tell him that he no longer has control over my family. My Lord Jesus died on the cross and rose again for my family, and our Almighty God has the victory in our family. His Word is filled with promises for my family. The enemy is no more!

. . . he answers [her] from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. . . we trust in the name of the Lord our God. (Psalm 20:6)

~~  ~~  ~~  ~~

 “Go back and report . . . what you hear and see,” Jesus says.

I hear a phone call in the middle of the night. I hear a message – a message I don’t want to hear. I see my daughter and her husband in shackles – a sight I don’t want to see.

I hear God’s comforting voice, speaking to me in my deepest pain. I see his angels surrounding me. I feel His tender arms holding me, lifting me up when I feel I can’t go on. I experience His amazing grace and His unfailing love that pulls me through the agonizing moments of each day.

~~  ~~  ~~  ~~

 “Go back and report . . . what you hear and see,” Jesus says.

I hear and see a miracle. The dreaded message of that dark night changes to the good news of a the Light of the World – and the shackles of bondage and addiction are removed forever. My daughter and her husband are transformed by the power of the resurrected Christ. They give their lives to the Lord Jesus, the God of miracles.

~~  ~~  ~~  ~~

“Go back and report . . . what you hear and see,” Jesus says.

I hear my daughter and her husband speaking of God – their God – telling of His amazing, saving grace. I see their changed lives. I see light where there was darkness. I see a bright and promising future. I see a new love and a new life. I see a couple nurturing their wounded children, parenting them, loving them, and guiding them in the love of the Lord. I see Jesus.

~~  ~~  ~~  ~~

They asked Jesus, “Are you the one . . .?” (Matthew 11:3)

“Yes, Lord,” [I] tell him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.” (John 11:27)

Yes, my friend, Jesus is the one!

He is the Jesus of Miracles. He is the Jesus who heals the broken-hearted and mends broken families. Jesus has compassion for you. He can heal your broken heart and mend your broken family. Jesus died on the cross to save you. He can change your life. He can change your family’s lives. Call upon him in prayer today.

I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

Click here to learn more about calling on Jesus.

I would love to speak to your group and share my story. Contact me here.

I won’t be receiving a Tony Award this year.

The date was set.

The courtroom was reserved.

The orchestration had already been assigned, and guess what? I hadn’t been chosen for the job.

I had wanted to do it; I had wanted to be able to arrange everything. To set the “stage” for the sentencing.  Just the right people there. Exactly the right things to be said. I had it all planned. I thought. But the orchestrator position belonged to someone else – Almighty God.

So I sat back and trusted God–something I’ve been learning to do for quite some time. To trust Him to orchestrate the events.

He had begun the orchestration quite some time ago, before the creation of the world (1). He created her inmost being, her special talents, her tender soul. Then He knit her beautifully together–her delicate face, her porcelain complexion, her thin fingers– in my womb (2).

And while she was in my womb, I loved her. I planned how I would care for her, protect her, guide her, keep her. He had the same plans for her and more! Plans to prosper her and protect her, plans to give her hope and a future (3).

Time passed. I failed. She failed. We all failed Him (4).

I kept trying to orchestrate the events in her life. I applied, repeatedly, but over and over, I was never hired for the position.

I began to trust Him more. I learned to depend upon one thing — His Word. I trusted Him in it.

I prayed that Word with her, to her, for her.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, would give her the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that she would know him better. I prayed that the eyes of her heart would be enlightened in order that she might know the hope to which he has called her, the riches of his glorious inheritance, and his incomparably great power for us who believe . . . (5). 

And I prayed the same for myself!

It seemed chaotic at first, like total discord, dissonance, cacophany! But then it happened!  The Great Orchestrator–the one who had written the composition, had arranged all the parts, and had adapted that beautiful composition to our broken lives–that Great Orchestrator, in His great mercy, brought all the parts of the production together in perfect harmony.

She was redeemed. She became a new creation!

And so each time I think the production is in shambles and needs orchestrated, I remind myself to quit applying for the Orchestrator position. There’s someone more qualified, and He does such a perfect job.

No I won’t be receiving a Tony Award this year.

If you’d like to read my story about facing our daughter’s addiction and her subsequent arrest, you can order When Life Roars, Jesus Whispers by clicking here. 

Click here to “subscribe” to my blogs while you’re on this site.

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End Notes:

1) Eph. 1:4

2) Psalm 139: 13

3) Jer. 29:11

4) Rom. 3:23

5) Eph. 1:17,18

Papa, can I lie in your bed?

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart:

I put her to bed, as usual. Well, really, with a bit more tenderness, a bit more time–reading, laying, singing, snuggling. But she is still quite unsettled when I leave her bedside, and shortly after, I hear her behind me in the living room.

Quietly.

“Nana, can I lie in your bed?”

“Sure, honey.”

I follow her down the hall. She steps up onto the little white stepping stool and up up up on to the big, soft mattress. And then I see the tears.

“I miss my mommy.”

I wipe her tears.

I lie beside her, cherishing her soft hair rubbing my cheek, breathing in its sweet, innocent scent.

Later, after she is sound asleep, Papa carries Kaylee back to her own bed.

I awaken in the night. My heart aches. I miss her mommy too. And I know a bit of the pain my precious daughter is going through. She shared it with me months ago, shortly after the arrest. Now I know that tonight, she lies on her cot, in her cell,  cold and lonely. My throat makes a foreign noise. I try to hold back the sob, knowing that when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a long time. I pray for her in a whisper – a whisper I know my Papa hears.

Months ago, after the arrest, on the 9th day, we brought her home–from that cell, from that cot–for one night before recovery began. She wanted her own bed– her old bed. The comfort of home.

Now I want the comfort of my Papa’s bed. I want that comfort for my daughter, and for her daughter, Kaylee. I want that comfort for all of us and for all others who are hurting.

I find it. I find it in the Word that is near me!

He gently tends me like a shepherd tends his flock. He gathers me in his arms and carries me close to his heart.

I might be unsettled for awhile, but I know that as I rest in his arms, close to His heart, I’ll find that comfort.

Further Reading: Isaiah 40:11; Psalm 91:1; Matthew 11:28; Romans 10:8

As you read the above post, you might connect. Some of you have or are presently raising your grandchildren. Some of you have or have had a son or daughter incarcerated. Some of you agonize, watching your own little ones unsettled and distressed, often unable to sleep. Take a verse or two and personalize it for yourself. Speak it over and over and over .  . . His Word is powerful. And it’s near you.

If you’d like to read my story about facing our daughter’s addiction and her subsequent arrest, you can order When Life Roars, Jesus Whispers by clicking here. 

Click here to “subscribe” to my blogs while you’re on this site.

And please follow me on my Facebook Writer’s Page: 

https://www.facebook.com/KathiWaligoraAuthorSpeaker

 

Chapter Seven ~ Whispers of Promise

Heartache is hearing her sentence . . .

Heartache is seeing your beautiful daughter handcuffed and taken to jail . . .
 

Heartache is not being able to hug her . . .

Heartache is answering your grandchildren when they ask if Mom and Dad will be with them for Christmas: “No, honey.”

And Jesus Whispered ~ 
Although the mountains around you are shaken, Kathi, and the hills are broken down, my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor will my promise of peace be removed. I am the Lord who has compassion for you and your precious grandchildren.
 
 
 
The evening of the sentencing was especially difficult for all of us. After the children were sound asleep and I had knelt by their beds and prayed, I went back into their bedrooms, checking on them all through the night, whispering one word prayers to the Father: Bless. Comfort. Touch. Heal.  Moving about our home throughout those unsettling nights, I felt the presence of the One who never slumbers or sleeps.
 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
(An excerpt from When Life Roars, Jesus Whispers ~ Chapter 7 ~ Whispers of Promise)
by Kathi Waligora .
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Sentencing

. . . we prayed and then drove to the court house. I was uneasy.  I wanted to glorify God no matter the outcome. The courtroom was filled with our family and friends. I felt blessed. Amber and Jesse sat at the front, waiting to be called up. But we waited quite a while. Others were being sentenced. It became frightening. We could tell the judge was giving harsh sentences for seemingly minor offences. When these “criminals” went forward to be sentenced, their family members entered the courtroom. Possibly one or two family members. Sometimes none. None of these people, “criminals” or family members, had the support Amber and Jesse and Ron and I had.

A young woman, crying, sat alone at the side of the courtroom.

I went over, sat beside her, and put my arm around her, hoping to console her. She told me about her sister who would be arraigned on this day.

Her short story was filled with hopelessness – a background of abuse and hate, a story of drugs, a child taken from her mother, no money for bail. I asked if I could pray for her and for her sister. She allowed me to.

Although I prayed for her sister by name,

my prayer was for all women invaded by the enemies of abuse and neglect, deceived by the demons of a myriad of drugs, – for their crying and neglected children, entwined in the lost cycle of it all –

people for whom I now had a greater empathy and a sincere concern. “Christ, we fight under your banner. Lead us.”

Soon her sister, handcuffed and dressed in orange and white stripes,  stood before the judge. The arraignment was stated. The officer led her from the courtroom. The young woman smiled a thank you through her tears as she left the courtroom. I returned to my seat and waited our turn.

I thought of the first time, nine months ago, when I had entered this court house. I remembered seeing my daughter and her husband in shackles. I recalled the many court appearances speckled throughout the months between then and now, during which I had seen other women and men shuffling down the halls of the court house, in the faded striped coveralls, shackled hand and foot.

Some hung their heads in shame; some were frightened; some smirked. No matter their demeanor, my heart had ached for each one; my hate for the deceitful enemy who had caused it all was refueled, but my awareness of the Father’s great love for all and the saving grace of Jesus Christ was foremost in my mind.

Now I looked at my daughter, her beauty and health returning to her once-addicted body, and at my son-in-law, now a redeemed man in every sense of the word, and I thanked God. They sat together, knowing that most likely, they would be separated from this day forward, and separated from their children, as well, for a lengthy time. But they faced the consequences of their sins and crimes, thankful that God had saved them out of their depression and addiction, thankful that they had a bright future in Him.

The judge had stepped out – then reentered the courtroom. “All stand,” the court assistant instructed.

Jesse was summoned first. His lawyer spoke. Then Jesse spoke, humbling himself before the court. The judge pronounced the sentence: One year in the county jail. His face was enveloped in pain as the deputy court officer escorted him out. Our family cried. I hurt for Jesse, and I hurt for his children. A year without their daddy – and after he had become a better daddy. Amber tried to compose herself, knowing she needed to stand before the judge next.

I hadn’t felt so helpless since her arrest nine months ago. There was not one thing I could do to change the course of events today. It seemed that it was all in the judge’s hands, yet I knew it was truly in our Lord’s hands. I trusted Him, and I trusted the judge.  We believed him to be a godly man and we had committed this all to the Lord, even this sentencing. We had seen the miracle of God in transforming our Amber and Jesse. We knew we would see the mercy of God today. And although I trusted in God’s mercy, it didn’t change the pain I felt when Amber was sentenced.

Her lawyer spoke. Amber spoke, admitting her crime and regret, putting herself at the mercy of the court. “Ninety days in jail,” the judge said. Oh, no, I thought – or spoke – or cried. I don’t know which. I was numb. The deputy took Amber by the shoulder and began to escort her out of the courtroom. I rushed to the front, near the door where he was leading her, extending my arms to hug her – to hold her one last time. “GET BACK,” he shouted. “DON’T TOUCH HER.” Our eyes met – Amber’s and mine. She was my daughter, my beautiful little baby girl.

Through clouded eyes, I saw Ron crying and hugging our daughter, Kristen, our son, Matt, and our daughter-in-law, Lynette. I was trying to make my way to them, but I couldn’t seem to move.

Our friends were talking. Some were smiling. I felt very strange. Their lives would go on as usual after they left this courtroom, but ours wouldn’t. I was very broken.

I had asked God for mercy, and I had received mercy. Their sentences were evidences of His mercy, shown through the wisdom of the judge. But the overwhelming pressures of the last nine months pressed in on me. All I could think of was, how will we tell the children? How will we tell them their parents won’t be with them for Christmas? Emotionally crushed and physically weakened, I felt someone take my arm. My brother, Larry, had come to my rescue, as he had in various ways throughout our childhood and the many years since. He helped me out of the courtroom and out of the building. The cool November air and warm sunshine stroked my face like a fresh renewal from God. Ron and I drove straight home, and Matt and Lynette and Kristen met us there. We “regrouped” and I once again knew “the hope” to which my Lord had “called” me. After a time of prayer and renewal, they headed home. Then Jake came over and the three of us, as grandparents, went to the school to pick up the children and convey the bitter report.

The children were quiet. I’m sure they suspected to hear that their parents were in jail. Once they were all in the car, collected from their three different schools, one of us, I don’t remember which one, told them the sad news: Their parents had both been sent to jail. It was another one of those moments you never want to experience. Their faces were the saddest I had ever seen. I held back the tears. It was the least I could do for them. “Will they be with us for Christmas?” Kaylee asked.

“No, honey,” I replied. I think those were the two most arduous words I’d ever spoken.

My sandals were off, and the place was holy. We carried around Jesus, and we knew the hope to which He had called us. Now we needed the healing he promised.

Click here to read more in Kathi’s new book, When Life Roars, Jesus Whispers.

Humility in the court room

. . . I thought of the first time, nine months ago, when I had entered this court house. I remembered seeing my daughter and her husband in shackles. I recalled the many court appearances speckled throughout the months between then and now, during which I had seen other women and men shuffling down the halls of the court house, in the faded striped coveralls, shackled hand and foot.

Some hung their heads in shame; some were frightened; some smirked. No matter their demeanor, my heart had ached for each one, my hate for the deceitful enemy who had caused it all was refueled,

but my awareness of the Father’s great love for all and the saving grace of Jesus Christ was foremost in my awareness. Now I looked at my daughter, her beauty and health returning to her once-addicted body, and at my son-in-law, now a true man in every sense of the word, and I thanked God. They sat together, knowing that most likely, they would be separated from this day forward, and separated from their children, as well, for a lengthy time. But they faced the consequences of their sins and crimes, thankful that God had saved them out of their depression and addiction, thankful that they had a bright future in Him.

The judge had stepped out – then reentered the courtroom. “All stand,” the court assistant instructed.

Jesse was summoned first. His lawyer spoke. Then Jesse spoke, humbling himself before the court. The judge pronounced the sentence: One year in the county jail. His face was enveloped in pain as the deputy court officer escorted him out. Our family cried. I hurt for Jesse, and I hurt for his children. A year without their daddy – and after he had become a good daddy. Amber tried to compose herself, knowing she needed to stand before the judge next. . . .

(Continued in tomorrow’s posting)

. . . jail. I hated the word.

On Sunday, the day before the sentencing, the kids spent the afternoon visiting their parents. Before they had to separate and say their goodbyes, from a distance, we observed Amber and Jesse seriously and gently talking to the children. Later, we learned that they were explaining that in the morning, they would likely be sentenced to jail.

I was uncomfortable, knowing they were speaking about jail. I hated the word.

But I had begun to trust our sweet Amber and renewed Jesse, and I had also began to trust that as parents, they knew best for their own children. It was with anxious hearts that we tucked our children into bed that night, and with tender souls that our children prayed for their Mommy and Daddy and for the sentencing to take place the next day.

On the omegaMonday, November 19 arrived. It was a most difficult day for us all. I wore my mother and father’s wedding rings on a necklace chain around my neck. The rings lay close to my heart. I was glad my parents weren’t physically there, to see and feel my pain, but so glad their rings were close, for their rings, once a symbol and a promise in their marriage, were now a symbol and a promise of their commitment and fidelity to me and to my family. It was a reassuring reminder of the heritage in Christ they had begun and which now continued in our family, finally including our once-wayward Amber and Jesse.

Ron drove the kids to school but of course didn’t go on to work, as usual. Instead, he came back home, where we prayed and then drove to the court house. . . .

(Excerpt from When Life Roars, Jesus Whispers)