Papa, can I lie in your bed?

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart:” (Isaiah 40:11)

I put her to bed, as usual. Well, really, with a bit more tenderness, a bit more time–reading, laying, singing, snuggling. But she is still quite unsettled when I leave her bedside, and shortly after, I hear her behind me in the living room.

Quietly.

“Nana, can I lie in your bed?”

“Sure, honey.”

I follow her down the hall. She steps up up up onto the little white stepping stool — up up up on to the big, soft mattress. And then I see the tears.

“I miss my mommy.”

I wipe her tears.

I lie beside her, cherishing her soft hair rubbing my cheek, breathing in its sweet, innocent scent

Later, Papa carries Kaylee back to her own bed.

I awaken in the night. My heart aches for my daughter. I know the pain she is going through. She shared it with me months ago–after the arrest. Now I know that tonight, she lies on her cot, in her cell,  cold and lonely. My throat makes a foreign noise. I try to hold back the sob, knowing that when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a long time. I pray for her.

Months ago, after the arrest, on the 9th day, we brought her home–from that cell, from that cot–for one night before recovery began. She wanted her own bed– her old bed. The comfort of home.

I want the comfort of my Papa’s bed. I want that comfort for my daughter, and for her daughter, Kaylee. I want that comfort for all of us and for all others who are hurting.

I find it. I find it in the Word that is near me!

He gently tends me like a shepherd tends his flock. He gathers me in his arms and carries me close to his heart.

I might be unsettled for awhile, but I know that as I rest in his arms, close to His heart, I’ll find that comfort.

11 Replies to “Papa, can I lie in your bed?”

  1. Oh Kathi dear,
    Your heart is exposed on paper in a way only a Mother could reveal.
    God is going to use these blogs Kathi. I wish they were on facebook to share
    for other we do not know going through the pain you are experiencing
    Love,
    Gerrie

    1. Gerrie – I do put the link to each on facebook. Thank you for your comments. I know God will use my writing, if I can just get it in the right places! People are so hurting today! They need the Lord, and even Christians need the encouragement and comfort.

  2. This note is from Clyde Kathi, I read your precious message this morning of what you are going through as a family. You couldn’t be any closer walking with our savior than what you are Kathi.
    Thank you for your fine testimony and of course Ron too.
    Don’t forget and I know you won’t,Amber and Jesse are in far better condition than ever before. This is the
    tough part but this too shall pass
    We Love You
    Your past pastor
    Clyde

    1. Oh, how I cherish every word my dear pastor says!
      Yes, my children now love and honor God. My prayers were answered back in February. The pain we experience now is a consequence of sin. I appreciate your reminder that this too shall pass.
      Kathi

  3. So thankful God placed Amber’s children in your arms. So thankful for God’s word and your words to share His provision. Look forward to that sweet reunion for you and the kids, and especially with our Savior.
    Love you both!!

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