She knows she shouldn’t worry – shouldn’t fear. She reads it, studies it, believes it. She speaks that Word as a reminder to herself. She speaks that Word as prayer.
But the fear is sometimes overpowering, much like its creator, the deceiver, who strips her mind, if only temporarily, of any other options than that of the fear of loss. More loss. The deceiver assaults her, approaching her from his dark hiding place, filling her tired and weary mind with the worst possibilities. She suddenly feels weak – nearly too weak to fight. But she waits.
Her mind composes the worst scenarios. And she fears she has no strength left to go forward, should those possibilities unfold. Certainly she can’t face another. Not long ago, she had felt so strong, but now, oh so suddenly, because she has opened the door to the enemy of fear, she is beaten from hurts of the past. She prays, but the deceiver tells her that her prayers are worthless – boringly rote and hopelessly meaningless. She suspects she’s being deceived, but she’s tired. So she waits.
In her weakened condition, her mind remembers nothing but past pain. As though there have been no victories. She strives to consider God’s faithfulness, but it seems so … very … far away. The fear – the worry – pulls her under water. It’s hard to breathe. She gasps for air. And she waits.
But as she waits, she gains strength. She rests. She eats from the vine and drinks from Living Water.
As she rests and is strengthened, her hope is renewed. She remembers a faithful Father.
As her hope is renewed, she sees the deceiver for who he is. She tells him to leave her presence. He has no place near her. He must obey because he knows of her Father – her faithful Father. And she waits.
And each day, little by little, she gains a greater understanding of “waiting.” When she reads,
“I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He lifted me up from the pit of despair, out of the miry clay; He set my feet upon a rock, and made my footsteps firm,”
When she reads,
“. . . grace . . . teaches us . . . while we wait,”
When she reads,
“those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength,”
she knows that she simply needs to give herself a bit of time – time to not jump to conclusions – time to let herself be strengthened – time to let God work things out for her. She learns that most often, waiting means taking time. She learns that He has spoken about the waiting because He knows it will be necessary for her. She is reminded that her Father is faithful. And so she waits.
~ Kathi Waligora
Author of When Life Roars, Jesus Whispers
Shh! Listen to His Whispers!