Sunday, April 8 – Celebrating the Resurrection! Easter – my favorite day of the year!!! We had a beautiful sunshiny Easter morning and a blessed worship service.
I have had great peace and experienced much grace through everything. We buried my mother yesterday at the cemetery across the road. The sun was shining – the birds were singing. Mom’s soul is in heaven. Our precious nine grandchildren stood behind me as I sat close to the casket (or her “basket” as my little Kaylee called it!) at her burial. I could literally see Mom’s life continuing on in mylife – in my children’s lives – and in my grandchildren’s lives. All was well with the world.
Being the human that I am (I suppose this is the reason) – later in the day, after most of our family had gone home, I suffered the greatest grief I have ever known. Ron tried to comfort me, “It’s okay, honey.”
“No, it’s not okay,” I responded. “And it never will be okay without my Mama.”
Ron nearly held me up as we walked outside in the fresh air – down the road, while I sobbed and cried out to God. I knew His peace and comfort could be there for me, but I didn’t feel it – I just couldn’t feel it at the time. I began repeating, “I love you, Lord.” Over and over I said it, placing my focus on my love for Him, realizing that He could comfort and fill me with his love, if and when I allowed Him to. Then we prayed together. The pain and grief is still there, but I do have peace in the midst of it, and for that, I am so thankful. I know He will heal my broken heart.
I know that there is much deeper, greater grief than I am experiencing – by those who lose children and spouses. But my grief is real; my grief is deep; and my God is sufficient even in the midst of it.